There’s no question that technology helps us communicate with each other – incessantly. The question is – does it make us more connected? I think most people would agree that the answer is “no”. Technology allows us to have more avenues for communicating the messages we send to one another. But the quality of those messages, the way they are received, that depends on the state of the underlying relationship. If you’re in a negative relationship, the tone of your texts and emails will be colored by that just as much as your body language, tone of voice, and choice of words will be in person.

Having said that, in the context of a loving relationship, texts can help keep the connection going throughout the day, or when lovers must be apart. For best effect, they shouldn’t be generic. “Love you” or “thinking of you” don’t build connection as powerfully as more specific love talk. Try to key in on what you love about your mate, or what exactly you are thinking about them. This is true whenever you want to pay a compliment, digitally or live. Specifics are more powerful than general statements. “I think you’re beautiful” is less powerful than “I love it when the sun lights up your hair like that. It gets these gold and red glints that are so beautiful. I wonder how I got so lucky?” Openness and vulnerability are necessary for real connection between life partners, so go ahead, be sappy for the sake of your lover!

Texts are also a great way to share a laugh, or just keep each other updated on the news of the day. Here are some examples of texts that keep connection going, and are a bit more specific. Real or invented? We won’t say!

Text 1: “On Veteran’s Day I want you to know how glad I am that you’re here to see the sunshine and share your life with me. I love you very much.”
Response: “On the road and enjoying the sunshine. But it is nowhere near one of your smiles.”

—–

Text 2: “I sure do love you, sweetie. Like a comet loves its tail.”
Response: “Comet, Cupid, Blitzen, they all have fluffy tails. I love 100% of you. Not just a tail….er, tale?”

—–

Text 3: “I’m thinking about how beautiful your blue eyes are right now.”
Response: “Awww…when they look at you, they see the sweetest guy on the planet.”

—–

Text 4: “I just landed [the big account]!”
Response: “Of course you did! You’re smart, honest, professional, trustworthy and hot! Can’t wait to celebrate tonight! Heh, heh.”

Got more tips on keeping your marriage or relationship strong with texting? Let us know!

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4 Responses to Love and Texting

  1. Blomquist says:

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  3. Nicole says:

    Some might think that all this technology is making it easier to connect or stay in contact with loved ones, however I feel that it is really just interferenc. It allows people to hid behind a screen rather than really interact. These text messages have their perks and they help in some productivity and connection. I feel it is a substitute for good old fashion conversation. For example, my teen is texting with people all evening that she never talks to/interacts with during the school day. I think she is being shy in her relationships. Also like you mentioned things are taken out of contexted. Communication is in the words, tone-energy, and body language. My suggestion is to set a goal of turning off the devices for 2 hours per day or one full day a week. Then see how your relationships change.

  4. Sarah says:

    I definitely agree that text messages are interpreted by the nature of your relationship. I have seen this happen many times where the tone of a text message or email is misinterpreted. Specific text messages are much more meaningful than the generic ‘love you’ that so many of us seem to send.

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